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Whiteness has been a privileged and prized identity in the U. So when black men select white women and de-select black women, they are doing so in a context of charged racial meanings. Some of the people I admire and respect most in my professional life are black men married to white women and white women married to black men.

These relationships are caring and genuine, and surely bring happiness to the individuals involved in them.

Certainly my reaction links back to a few bad apples in my own young dating years.

Once I overheard my black boyfriend telling his buddies how he preferred white women; on another occasion (with a different black boyfriend) a guy told me he didn't care that I was breaking up with him because he could go out and get a white woman, which was what he really wanted anyway.

It seems that "More than eight-in-ten Americans (83%) now agree that "it's all right for blacks and whites to date," reflecting the most dramatic change among the racial attitudes tested in Pew polls." It's interesting that this change doesn't merely reflect cohort replacement.

Race and the characteristics that have come to represent it -- like skin color, eye color, and hair texture -- would not be factors in matters of the heart.Last holiday season gave me plenty of food for thought on this all too familiar and often uncomfortable racially-tinged question.One of my male relatives brought home a date for Thanksgiving who could have been Barbie's twin sister.This is a pattern that I have observed in my professional life for years: successful black men pairing up with white women, but now that the practice has come home to roost, so to speak, I cannot help but admit to feeling a bit demoralized.I wish my male relatives luck and joy in their relationships, but I also feel a pinch when I watch them with their girlfriends.

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